Preparing new dads for the unknown

By Tilford Flowers, volunteer, EveryChild’s Basic Training for New Dads

 In my eight years as a volunteer coach for EveryChild’s Basic Training for New Dads, I’ve met hundreds of different fathers-to-be who all have one thing in common—they’re about to enter the unknown.

Now, that’s true of any first-time parent. But for all the resources out there dedicated to preparing mom for what to expect when she’s expecting, there’s not much out there for dad. That’s one reason EveryChild created a training specifically for new dads, by old dads (no offense to any of my fellow coaches!). We’ve been there, and we get it. No matter how anxious these first-time fathers are when they show up, our goal is to watch them walk out two hours later feeling confident that they have what they need to tackle the challenges ahead. 

You see, we’re working to lay the foundation for safe, healthy childhoods early, before those children are even born. We’re laying the foundation for the future of the Quad Cities, too. That future has its own share of unknowns, but what we do know is that for our region to reach its full potential, we need our younger generations to grow up strong and healthy, eager to set big goals and capable of achieving them. Just as our new dads want to take the best of their own upbringing and do even better for their kids, we should want the same for our whole community. 

This work matters to me personally, too. As a special agent in the Army investigating incidents of child abuse, I saw how important structured education on child-rearing and tools for wellness were for new dads—or could be, if only a program like this had been available.

Here’s how it works. Each monthly training covers a full curriculum of practical advice, from the birthing process, the first weeks at home, and parenting as a team all the way through feeding, diapering, and safety. We get hands-on and down into the details—how to keep the car ready for that trip to the hospital, how to delegate to your in-laws, how to soothe your baby when they won’t stop crying (and manage your own stress while doing it).

Every new dad comes to this incredible milestone from a different place. That’s why we start by getting them talking about their own parents and the things that worry and excite them about fatherhood. It’s also why we emphasize lifestyle changes that will put you in the best position to invest in this new bond and create an environment where your little one can start life comfortable, happy, and healthy. What example will the way you interact with your partner set for your child? How’s your relationship with smoking or alcohol? Are you getting enough rest?

Those things matter as much as any tips or tricks we can share because at the end of the day, no checklist can take all the uncertainty out of what’s a unique and deeply personal experience, full of unprecedented ups and downs. When the unexpected does happen, we want our dads to be ready to respond in the way that’s best for their family—and for our community.

If I’ve shown you how EveryChild’s Basic Training for New Dads can help do that, then I hope you’ll consider getting involved, whether that’s as a volunteer coach, as a donor, or as a father-to-be yourself. Know someone who could use some help preparing for this amazing journey? Send him our way! This class may be just for new dads, but we’re all in it together.  

Tilford Flowers works at John Deere. He spent more than 20 years in the US Army as director of law enforcement and security.

View the editorial on the Quad City Times page here.